I owe you one

Source : Google photo

Synopsis : To say that you can repay for everything you receive as a help in life is to say that you put a commercial value to the help received that demeans it. To say that you do not owe anything to anyone just because you have repaid it is a fallacious idea that demeans the help you receive so please do not say that I owe you one. When it becomes a part of your culture then you lose the essence of your culture that should be based on humanity and not a smug feeling that you do not owe anyone anything including your parents and others who have helped you when you needed it most.

People often ask this question- why should I do something for some one without some sort of remuneration ? This mind set leads to the idea that nothing in this world is free so one must pay someone if that someone does some favor for him. I cannot argue with anyone about the basic immorality underlying this assumption that nothing is free so we must pay for the service rendered. This is the back bone of the capitalist system but it exists in some form or other in many countries.

If you ask for direction in Haiti , he or she will ask for money in return . I can understand it in the context of extreme poverty that makes people ask for money for any service rendered but the idea that one must pay for any service given to anyone makes me think of the inhumanity of it.

Let us suppose that you have a flat tire in the middle of nowhere and your spare tire is also flat so you patiently wait for someone who passes by and may be stops to help you. I once did it myself in Haiti to help some one who had a flat tire so he was profusely thankful for the help I gave him. I answered that there was no need to be thankful. You would have done the same for me had I been in your shoes. This surprised him and he realized that we all need help sometimes in our life that we get from good samaritans who do not ask for anything in return because it is the most natural thing to do.

So I am very disturbed by the notion that everything in life must be paid for. If you are in Washington , D.C. in some office , you will constantly hear the word " I owe you one " for some service rendered. What it really means is that the service rendered must be paid for to wipe out a debt. To them it is shameful to be under the obligation of someone so this idea of I owe you one is drilled into their conscience since childhood by the parents, by the friends, by the people in the community so they cannot get away from it. It becomes their guiding principle in life.

Now let us assume a scenario where you happen to be where a kid is drowning in the lake. Do you hesitate to save him and wonder how he will pay back your service? Do you hesitate to give some food in your lunch box to some one who is very hungry or do you wonder how he will pay you back for the service you rendered?

Do you pay back to your parents for all they have done for you to raise you, feed you and take care of you when you were sick just so that you can say that I do not owe you anything because I have paid you back ? We had once an American couple visiting us . We were very surprised that the woman left some money on the sofa secretly because we had received them well so it was like a slap on our face because we certainly did not expect such behavior from our visitors. They were acting according to their belief that our hospitality must be paid for somehow even if it was not the right thing to do.

This notion that we must be paid for our services has bred corruption to the extent that the idea of getting commission has become quite accepted in many countries. When one Saudi Prince was asked where he got all the money to build a massive 200 room mansion with gold toilets and fixtures and a staff of 150 , he smugly answered that it was from his commission that he extracted from all the government contracts . He ignored the fact that he was stealing from the pockets of the tax payers.

When the Indian Prime minister made a government to government contract to buy Rafael fighter planes from France , it was assumed that he took fat commission from the deal so he answered that there was no middle man to take commission. People who are corrupt assume that everybody is corrupt. They could not believe that he was honest and did not steal from the pockets of the tax payers but he is a patriot who sets examples for others to follow.

So I have a problem of understanding why some people want to get paid for anything they do for others and cannot agree that not taking a bribe is the right thing to do. So they become corrupt and demand bribe. In India they call it a facilitation fee but it is still a bribe to do what you are supposed to do. The idea of bribe is supported by the bribe taker as well as the bribe giver so it flourishes everywhere.

In some countries, caring for others or even unknown persons comes naturally. I was offered shelter by an Algerian family that saw me getting wet in the rain near their house so they asked me to come in, dried my clothes and offered me hot coffee and a nice lunch because they had a big heart and saw that I needed help. They did not ask for anything in return. Another Algerian fellow asked me to move in with him because he could not accept that I was staying in a warehouse in the farm full of fertilizer sacs and insecticide . He had a big heart so offered his hospitality and never asked for anything in return. The world is full of such people who have big heart and always do what is right.

Unfortunately I see the I owe you one type of people more and more who have taken it as their guiding principle in life so they sacrifice their humanity just so that they can say that they do not owe anything to anyone because they have returned the favor.

Once I was stranded near Mt. Etna because I could not fight the Italians to get into the only cable car to get down so the bus left without me. I did not know what to do because there was no way I could get to Taormina so I waited by the roadside for a ride. Soon a German couple came to my rescue and gave me a ride to the town and tried to find me a hotel room somewhere but it was the tourist season and the hotels were full so they brought me to a camp ground and sat with me until the wee hours of the morning talking and sipping the wine they brought with them. It was as if I had known them all my life. They had a big heart and made friends with me whom they had just met. That is the humanity I am talking about that seems to be in short supply these days.

I have been helped by total strangers in many countries because they had a big heart and did not hesitate to help someone who needed it. The idea of taking commission from a contract as a matter of routine and feel no guilt about it consumes many cultures because they see nothing wrong in it. It is very different when you call a plumber who fixes your faucet for a fee because that is how he earns his livelihood so one must pay him for his service rendered. It is the same way you get paid by your employer for the job you do because that is how you make a living.

But the idea of commission seems to me so corrupt that it boggles my mind. All over the world such people steal from the taxpayers billions of dollars so that they can profit. This gives birth to the middle men everywhere who take their commission and pass on the cost to the consumer that is you and me.

A farmer gets paid a very low price for his produce but we end up paying a high price for the fish or farm products at the local grocery market because between me and the producer come a lot of people who are called the middle men who take their share and jack up the price to the buyer. They do not allow the farmers to sell directly to the consumer and even threaten them with violence if they try to do so. Once I tried to buy a goat from a farmer in the market but the middle men said that they will not allow me to do so even if the farmer was willing to sell me his goat at a lower price. I left without the goat because I did not agree to pay the middlemen who did nothing to earn their commission. This sort of thing goes on everywhere so the consumer suffers the high cost he must pay to satisfy the middle men.

This was not always like this. I remember the time when people showed compassion for others and helped without hesitation. My father always helped those who were short of money at the end of the month but he never asked for a return favor because he had a big heart. My Ma was also a saint who never turned away anyone who needed her help. But now we see this trend worldwide when people ask for a return favor for something they may have done no matter how trivial.

It is like in the movie Godfather when the mafia boss says - today I have helped you so a day may come when you may have to return the favor because that is the way it works. So are we to behave like the mafia people and forget our humanity in the process?

It is normal for people to feel grateful to someone who has done a great favor and helped when no one else came forward so it is also normal to do something for them when the time comes but great people with good heart do not help someone just because they have an ulterior motive . It is said that the left hand should not know what the right hand does to give someone help because to demand a return demeans and degrades the purpose of help. The help with strings attached beats the very purpose of help so people say that the nectar given with a mean heart becomes a poison while the poison given with good heart becomes nectar to someone.

I have never been able to reconcile the two meaning the big heart and the mean heart. If you are a good person, you do not seek benefit from your good deeds but such people are rare now in this world where greed and avarice is paramount that guides people in their daily life.

To put a monetary figure on a service given to you without hesitation and a good heart seems so callous and demeaning to the giver that brings into question the motive behind it. One can never repay the kindness, the help at a crucial moment in someone's life, to rescue someone from financial disaster, to extend a helping hand to a drowning man so to say that I owe you one becomes a repudiation of all that is good and moral in life.

So if you are in a position to help someone, just do it without hesitation. To be of service to others without the ulterior motive is the highest reward to your soul because it elevates you to the realm of pure joy and satisfaction.

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