Selective memory

Source : Google photo

Synopsis : We use selective memory to protect ourselves from unpleasantness in life that may come as an experience that we prefer to forget or ignore. The trick is to be able to discern right from wrong and learn to focus on what is important and pay less attention to what is not. Those who use their selective memory to deceive and harm people are toxic so we should all learn how to avoid them.

We all remember because our brain registers what we see, what we hear or read. It registers images in color and even sound . It remembers taste, smell and touch . In short our brain registers everything like a hard disc and keeps it there for instant recall. That is how we can recall events that took place 70 years ago with clarity.

While most people have the ability to remember many things in their life, there are those who have super brains that can recall what is stored there since the time they were born while others have photographic memory that registers something they read only once but they are not common people.

Today I want to write about selective memory and what it really means. It means that we tend to remember what we want to remember and blot out the rest. I do not remember the names of people I met only a few years ago in some country or the names of people I worked with in various projects around the world but I do recall my registration number for my high school exam of 1960 clearly as if it is engraved in my brain.

So I can separate the two and say that it is easier to remember a number or an event or a place much better than the names of some people who were not my friends, who said or did something that I detested so it created a mental distance from them right away. The brain remembers the incident but not the person who was the villain so I call it the selective memory. It is our way of blocking out unpleasant people who came your way and disappeared for life not leaving a trace.

We all have this ability to block out people we dislike so that we are not reminded of them again. I call them toxic people who are unpleasant, distasteful and users who take advantage of simple people of good heart. You meet them everywhere . You meet them at work, in your society, in your town or even at random in public places. They may even be your relatives who have said or done something that has hurt you and disappointed you because they are related to you by blood so you expect them to behave better. My Mom used to say that relatives can be your worst enemies . ( Read my blog called Toxic people here in this context )

I do not make a conscious effort to forget them but my brain comes to my aid and blots them out and saves me from unnecessary unpleasant memories so I am thankful to my brain for protecting me from hurt feelings. This hurt feeling that you may have comes from toxic people and it is like cancer that grows over a period of time and can cause mental distress if your brain does not come to your aid and blot it out. This is the wonder of selective memory.

We all like to remember good people and their good deeds. We like to remember pleasant events that brought us tremendous joy. I remember Nantu who was my playmate when we were children and spent so much time together and grieved when I heard that he took his life later for some reason that I still do not know anything about. I remember Munni , the girl next door who was my playmate when we were so young and was delighted when one day she came to see me after 60 odd years and reminisced about those days that I recall as our golden years.

There are those who use selective memory as a tool to deceive people because they do it on purpose that sets them apart from honest people. They will tell you that they forgot to pay you back the money they borrowed from you or return you the precious book or something they took from you. They let you down on purpose and say that they forgot the appointment or the promise they made you. The honest people use selective memory to protect themselves from unpleasant things or people in life while the dishonest people use it as a tool to commit fraud and cheat so I call such people evil who can never be your friend.

So our brain comes to our aid in dealing with people in your everyday life and sets up warning signal if it detects an evil person , a compulsive pathological liar, a deceitful and immoral person, a willfully malignant being who casts an evil aura that brings unhappiness to those who come in contact, a fundamentalist who denigrates you because of your belief and lifestyle and so on. But it is really up to you to listen to those warning signals your brain detects and tells you.

It is called a sixth sense or a gut feeling that a person you meet is good or bad. I have a pretty good sixth sense and can come to a conclusion about some one quickly and stay away. In short I am a good judge of character of a person after only a short visit and make up my mind about that person positively or negatively depending upon what he or she says or does. It has saved me from them because I have blocked them out completely.

So when Barbra Streisand sings " People who need people are the luckiest people" , I think it should come with the caveat that they are the luckiest if and only if they find the good people in this world who are hard to find. Good people help you, stand by you at your difficult moments in life, attach no condition to their friendship with you, uplift you with encouragement when you are down and out, point you in right direction in life when you feel lost and directionless, become your mentor and help you become a better person.

We remember such people , their act of kindness ,their benevolence and their generosity in detail. We aspire to be like them because they set up a high bar of qualities in a person by setting up examples. I remember Kaloda who used to give me English books to read that slowly made me an avid reader later in my life. It was a gift I received from this simple man that had no equal so I mourned him when he passed away. ( Read my blog Forming habits here in this context ).

If all our memories can be written down in the form of a book, it will be an interesting read because everyone has something to talk about that happened in his life or her life but most people are reticent to talk about the bad experience in their life and try to hide it but talk about their good experiences because it is a defensive mechanism that protects them from unpleasant memories. They consciously blot out what is negative and unpleasant while the brain acts to delete such memories without you even knowing it.

You will know it when you try to recall someone's name or face and fail because your brain has already deleted it to protect you.

So going through life is akin to wading bare feet through swamp where you may be pricked by something hidden in the dirty water so a wise person always wears boots before he starts. This boot is your protection but it is your brain that tells you to wear boots to protect yourself or stay away from flame because it may burn you or not eat wild fruits or mushroom because it may be poisonous. This is the sixth sense I am writing about but sadly this sense is not well developed in many so they end up paying the price.

There is no alternative to developing this sixth sense because in time of need it covers you like a bullet proof vest. Some people call it wisdom, others call it intuition that protects you from harm from others or things. The secret of wisdom is actually no secret at all because the wisdom is nothing but an accumulated store of knowledge that comes from various sources but mostly from personal experience or the experience of others but also from reading extensively on any subject. It teaches you to always make the right choice in life.

The wisdom may not come from your teachers who only teach you subjects in order to pass an exam but from numerous other sources including your parents and friends. To gain wisdom in life one must keep the brain open to accept new ideas , new ways of doing things, be aware of the new inventions and develop the analytical skills to discern right from wrong. That is where selective memory comes in handy because it helps to discard useless memories and keep only those that make you a better person.

I wish all of you reading this blog develop such skills that make you a better person.

Source : Google

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